>The Terry’s Chocolate Orange Incident (or how I became an evil bastard of a father)


This may be familiar to those of you who are my facebook friends, if you are familiar read on as there is an update. One which makes me really proud of my son, while making sure my place in Hell is truly cemented.

A few weeks back I had a real chocolate craving, one that just couldn’t be appeased. After tidy up the wee mans room I found a Terry Chocolate Orange, not my favourite brand of chocolate by a long shot. But hey, when you got a fix on anything will do.
Without a second thought I devoured almost the whole thing, there could have been only four slices left by the time I picked up Campbell from school. I made the mistake of taking a slice in front of him. He asked “what is that?” to which I replied, “It’s a chocolate orange, would you like some?” See I’m nice I like to share things, other folks things. Campbell, replied ” That’s really kind, I like chocolate oranges, I’ve got one in my room.”
“Bollocks” I thought, he remembered, damn him and his elephants memory. “When I have my one Daddy I’ll share it with you, cause you are really kind sharing yours with me. It’s really good to share, I love you daddy”
Christ boy why don’t you get a hammer and and nail and drive it right through my nasty evil chocolate covered heart. Now I am not normally one for feeling remorse and guilt, but at that moment I would have felt a whole lot better with myself if I had just run over a puppy. How can I fix it? Please tell me you can buy them all year round, and not just at certain times like Cream Eggs. Is there a chocolate Orange season, and if so I better have a permit to hunt.
Thankfully there is someone in my life who is an expert at fixings my mishaps, I needed to phone the intelligent one in the house, the whole stops me from blowing the universe apart with my stupid ideas. A quick secret phone call to Amanda, and a solution was on it’s way. As usual she pulled my ass out of the fire just in time. The boy was unaware. Chocolate orange replaced and some money deposited in his piggy bank, to ease my guilt. Crisis averted.
that should have been the end of the story, but sadly no. When I picked him from school last week, he ran upstairs and came down with his last two slices of chocolate orange and said ” These are for as you were so kind to share yours with me.” Campbell, are you trying to make me die from guilt cause that almost happened.
Son you are a kind and loving boy, I know we sometimes seem to get on at you for not listening, again my fault, I can see my facial expressions in your face I know you are burdened with my stupidity genes. but I love you with all my heart, I’m proud to have you as a son, and I’m so glad Ella has you as a brother.
And by the way I didn’t eat his last two slices, I know you all though I would have but I didn’t. I couldn’t even though they looked mighty tasty.

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